So, here’s the thing: being an adult sucks. But, here’s the other thing: you gotta do it. Being an adult is hard for so many reasons, but what I struggle with the most is adapting to change. Which really sucks given that I’m in such transitional period in life. Almost everything in my life is temporary: school, my jobs, my living arrangements. My summer paints this picture perfectly. I was never in one place for longer than four weeks, and usually for a shorter period of time than that. Two years ago, I graduated high school and my life changed dramatically; in two years I will graduate from college and my entire life will be uprooted yet again. Each time this happens, I cling desperately to what I’m leaving while also trying to accommodate all the newness. And I’m really bad at accommodating the newness.
But eventually I do, because I know I have no choice. The world goes on with or without me, and if I waste my time resisting change, I become a passive player in my own life. And if there’s one thing that scares me more than change, it’s not being in control. Yes, growing up and watching everything change is terrifying, but sitting back and just watching these changes happen without any of my own input is ten times more terrifying. I may be indecisive and I may be miles away from any concrete plans for after graduation, but I know what I want my life to look like. I just haven’t decided what path to take to get there. I refuse to just settle for whatever happens to me, though.
Don’t be mistaken and think I have my life together, because I don’t. But I know what I need to do to get to a place where I can figure things out, and I know that I’m doing what I need to do. I would say that things always have a way of falling into place for me–but that’s not quite true. I think it would be more accurate to say that I always have a way of putting things into place for myself (with help from many generous people, of course). I know I’ll get things right in the end, even if I stumble and make stupid mistakes along the way. I’m speaking from experience here.
So after a summer of begging for everyone’s advice and trying to make hard decisions using all of that advice, I came to the conclusion that I should just trust myself. After all, I haven’t ruined my own life yet. Even so, I still struggled. How could something be the right thing for me if it hurt? And that’s where the whole “being an adult sucks” thing comes back. The right decisions aren’t always the easy decisions (usually aren’t, actually) and what’s good right now isn’t always good for later. Being an adult means seeing that, acknowledging it, and doing something to fix it.
One more time, for those in the back: being an adult sucks. But I started growing up earlier than most, and I think that made me a little tougher than most as well. I’ve always felt like an old soul, which sometimes makes me weary, but also makes me feel like I have the advantage of experience that most people my age do not. I don’t know, maybe I’m just crazy. I do know that despite feeling confident in my decisions, I haven’t felt quite this unhappy in a while. Things are changing, and I am resisting as usual. Here’s hoping good changes come that I can not only accept with grace, but also look forward to. As usual, I am sad but hopeful; too busy wondering if there is in fact a glass with water in it to question whether it’s half full or half empty.